THE ALIENATOR

I am an alienator. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behavior patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalizing them. I know your behavior patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.

I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did not notice that.

I am an alienator, at times in the past you felt a chill wind blow through you when my moods changed as I raged and then sweet talked you to smooth the ripples in your growing awareness. My mind is distorted but the projection of shadows causes you to believe it is yours which has failed you. Eventually you came to believe that it was you and not I who was crazy. You shivered as I turned down the gas light.

When you appeal to the outside world for assistance I will turn my most charming face to the sun and open my arms wide and beseech them to believe that I only want the best for my children. I will widen my eyes and up turn my palms and say ‘what can I do when they don’t want to see you’ and suck into my airspace all those who attempt to bring change to the lives of the weapons I know I can use.

My children are assets, collateral, extensions of plans that I make to wreak my revenge upon people who challenge my views or attempt to remove the control that I have in my life.

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Ignoring mountains of empirical data that shows shared parenting to be in the best interest of families.

Ignoring mountains of empirical data that shows shared parenting to be in the best interest of families.

WHEN are WE as AMERICANS going to STAND UP

…and no longer allow Family Courts to “Courtnap” a child for one parent;Parental Alienation - 2016

Or allow CPS to kidnap and murder our children?

Why is it so important we reform Family Law?

The Pink Slip Project - 2016

Why these problems constitute a sophisticated form of Racketeering, something a friend of mine recently named the “cartel of Family Courts”?florida-families-united-childrens-rights-florida-2017-8-1024

votefamily-us-2015112Over twenty people testified of the complete dysfunction of our family courts in Miami and all across the state of Florida:  https://vimeo.com/channels/878408.

LRSP Public Meeting Miami-Dade February 23, 2015 — from The Florida Courts 

+ More details

family-court-needs-to-change-2016

A corruption that is killing our children here and around the world:

CORRUPTION

Here in Florida, the number of children who have died under the mafia of the Family Court system is increasing at an alarming rate. Count went from 490 to 533 (+6 in a matter of days) in only a few months:

Thank you Miami Herald for standing up for our children.

We must unite to put an end to this madness.
If you are tired of seeing innocent children die under the care of the family court system, help us Raise Hell, and stand up for them.
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Broken Family Court System

Broken Fathers - 2015A Broken Family Court System:
‘What are You Prepared to do?’

Ignorance is bliss in some scenarios, and as a father having been involved in a contentious divorce and custody ordeal it was a luxury I found myself longing for at times. Facing a situation where one’s back is against the wall, in a court environment overtly hostile towards those who represent themselves, as a pro se litigant is a place parents should venture with extreme caution. In my situation it came to a point where in keeping up with my own case at times I began to become curious and observe what I knew to be odd behavior and activity within the court and its players.

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The Fight for Change from Around The World ~ Oct 17th 2016

From the Father’s Rights Google+ Community

I read this post and thought I would post it to the group.

Bybryson sanders's profile photobryson sanders

The Fight is a collection of articles from around the globe on the issue of pornography and sexual abuse against boys, and the effects on their lives as they grow into men.

the-purple-keyboard-campaign-2016

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Florida Family Law Reform 2016!

causes.com/causes/409526-children-s-rights

Parental Alienation Dynamics ·Support Judge Gorcyca - Parental Alienation is Child Abuse - 2016

Let no good deed go unpunished. With good intentions Judge Gorcyca acted in the best interest of children. Now that a judge has finally listened, we must stand and rally.

Pathogenic parenting is a child protection issue NOT a ‪#‎childcustody‬issue. When addressing ‪#‎PathogenicParenting‬, mistakes can and will be made attempting to do the right thing. Mistakes can be fixed. When it comes to a parent emotionally and psychologically abusing children through ‪#‎ParentalAlienation‬ and hostile aggressive parenting, “there is no right way to do the wrong thing.”

*********************ba768-divorce18 CL: If you are a parent that has to deal with lies that have been untested, interference by the custodial parent and a full campaign of hatred from your kids and the ex, you need to speak up on behalf of this judge.

We don’t just encourage you to read these posts, we encourage action. It is only by protecting the vulnerable judges who on occasion get it right and that do punish alienation can we send a message to the entire judicial bench that we are sick of it.

Please write on behalf of this judge showing she used her judicial independence to heal this family because of the toxic brainwashing of the mother. Her conduct might not sit well with the board but her decisions were in the best interests of the children to end the parental alienation and dispense of testimony that did not make sense from the brainwashed children.

Let the Michigan Supreme Court and Michigan Judicial Tenure Commission know that you ‪#‎supportGorcyca‬.

MSC, CHIEF OF STAFF
Larry S. Royster
(517) 373-0120

MSC, PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICE
John Nevin, Communications Director
(517) 373-0129

MJTC
Phone: (313) 875-5110
Fax: (313) 875-5154
E-mail: judicialtenure@courts.mi.gov
Parent League

Family Law Reform - 2016

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Alienation or estrangement?

Assessing high conflict separated families, we distinguish between Alienation (“there’s no good reason”), and justified estrangement (“there is good reason”). Commonly it is a hybrid mixture of both. Estrangement can be looked at in its own right in other adult family situations where it means the same: “distanced relationships with a good reason”. Understanding estrangement illustrates some important points about Alienation.Screen Shot 2015-08-03 at 17.18.42

About “good reason” or not: It is important for those experiencing the injustices and false allegations to show they remember that justice is as essential for the many cases where there are significant or awful real abuse and risks to assess. Sorting out justified, unjustified and hybrid – and doing it promptly – is not easy for the professionals who do it. Only by recognising the justified situations can we expect others to recognise the unjustified ones.

Stand Alone estrangement survey

Stand Alone is a new charity offering support to adults estranged from their family or children. We welcome Stand Alone here on the alienation experience blog. They’re now in our useful links and services. They have a ‘meeting people’ page and (so far) offer support services in London, Sheffield, Newcastle and Glasgow. Outside those areas, they have a comprehensive on-line support service. Stand Alone may not mention Alienation specifically, but the estranged and Alienated alike would surely find sympathy there.

Among the innovative things they’ve done is to commission research on levels of estrangement in the population. They got Ipsos MORI to do a preliminary survey. It shows that around 1 in 5 families in the UK will be affected by estrangement, 1 in 4 know somebody who is no longer in contact with a family member, and 1 in 10  said they were personally estranged from a family member.

You can see details and download more and the top line and full data too.  Ipsos MORI do long face to face interviews in people’s homes with specific commissioned questions included. One way to get a better idea of how many people are affected by Alienation would be to craft and commission our own questions for a survey. Stand Alone’s key question was:

Do you know anyone who is estranged from a member of their family? By estranged we mean they are no longer in contact with at least one member of their family due to a breakdown in the relationship.

Screen Shot 2015-08-03 at 17.19.11So this is not asking about estrangement from  thewhole of the rest of a person’s family. Severe Child and Parental Alienation (PA) means that a child is cut off from one parent plus their whole family too. The estrangement need only be with just one member of your family. You wonder how an Alienated person would respond to the estrangement question asked. Other questions emerge too.

It is great to have some new facts on the overall picture:

Over a quarter (27%) of the GB public know somebody who is no longer in contact with a family member. 8% of those surveyed said they were personally estranged from a family member. The figures show little variation in terms of gender … The figures stay consistent across class and earnings, yet the regional breakdown showed a lower incidence of estrangement in London versus the rest of the country. This preliminary research points to the fact that family estrangement permeates all types of families, including those who consider themselves highly educated and earning well above the national average wage.   … among a sample of 2,082 adults aged 15+ in September 2014. Data were weighted to known population figures for age, region, social grade and working status within gender and non-interlocking targets for household tenure and ethnicity.

Estrangement will be of harder on young adults because, having distanced from their family of origin, they are less likely to have established other families and support in their lives. Why is there less estrangement in London? Seems surprising. Maybe the larger ethnic population in London means communities of people who stay closer to their families:

What would alienated people have said?

What a single question like theirs cannot control or get at is what people took as their definition of ‘family’. Older people are likely to be in one or more extra families of marriage or cohabiting. So older people have a wider selection of families and family members to belong to, and be estranged or Alienated from. To be estranged from all members of all your families would perhaps not be so much rare bad luck, as to raise a question about what that individual may do to fall out so much. But it is common for an Alienated person to be completely cut off from a whole family network having done nothing to deserve that fate.

People who said “yes” to being or knowing someone who was estranged would mostly be talking about people who continue to have good relationships with the other members of their family/ies. Have a look at the full data that explores multiple yes-es more. More detailed answers to these questions would require some extra different questions asked.

For Alienated families, if you are a grown-up alienated child, you may well still have a strong link to one parent and siblings and that side of your family of origin. You wouldn’t say that you were estranged from that your (perceived main) family. And you might or might not say you know someone who is estranged – even though you do very well know of one: the parent you rejected along the way. But the rejected parent would say they were estranged (if not Alienated) to this general survey question, and so would those who know them. For Alienation you could expect the answers to give you figures that don’t match. And if your questions were carefully defined – estrangement = “good reason”; Alienation = “no good reason” – then you would get diametrically opposing views of the same relationship depending on whose side you were asking. Perhaps the value of a non-technical use of  ‘estrangement’ is that it invites fresher responses, and gives you richer answers and interesting questions. For many people, the word ‘Alienation’ already brings in too much baggage.

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Young people’s views from SCCR survey 2013

So it would be great to build on this preliminary research to explore some more underlying details.

Estrangement and Alienation

He was interviewed for Women’s Hour on BBC Radio 4 recently (listen from 1 min 20 secs).  Here’s an academic presentation of his research on negotiating adult family estrangement.  Shaheen Hashmat also talked on the programme about her choice to distance from her family – because of their cultural requirements that she couldn’t accept or find a compromise with.Stand Alone was mentioned by Dr Jason Robinson,psychologist who has studied estrangement.

The picture from this is that estrangement is significantly different from Alienation though it still leaves the estranged person bereaved and unsupported compared with those who have family around.

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Parents’ and carers’ views from SCCR survey 2013

The key difference between Alienation and estrangement is this: Where Alienation entails three parties, estrangement in the BBC discussion is more of a two-party pattern. Alienation is when one person turns another against a third (see more on this broad definition here). In Child and Parental Alienation this is specifically a parent turning a child against the other parent. The broad meaning of estrangement (that Stand Alone used) means that, faced with unresolvable differences with their family, a person chooses by their own (reluctant maybe but) free individual choice to create a big distance. They find it a relief to make the break. This may be with just one family member, some of them, or all of them. For Shaheen Hashmat it was with all her family except for one sibling.

But both three-party Alienation and two-party estrangement involve seriously difficult family relationship conflict, and both are miserable predicaments all round. With the high prevalence shown in the surveys, it is right to look for other ways to help.

Another organisation that has grown into this field is the Edinburgh-based Cyrenians and the umbrella organisation, the Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution that grew from realising how homelessness was mostly the result of family fall-out.

The SCCR diagrams here give some of the statistics from their own 2013 survey. 41% of parents or carers and 61% of young people report having weekly arguments in their family. 25% of youngsters each month think of leaving home and 50% would like to talk to someone who could help. 70% of parents would think of talking to someone to help sort things out.

In conclusion

It’s good to have some real facts to work from. It would be good to use this survey approach to find out more about Alienation in the UK – as well as more about estrangement too. Looking at estrangement in its own right is relevant for this blog given the estrangement Alienation is contrasted with, and given our interest in broad thinking about the hard end of broken family relationships. We can see more clearly some similarities and differences between estrangement and Alienation.

Nick Child, Edinburgh

Source: Getting familiar with estrangement

Does Parental Alienation Cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

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