The Fight for Change from Around The World ~ Oct 17th 2016

From the Father’s Rights Google+ Community

I read this post and thought I would post it to the group.

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The Fight is a collection of articles from around the globe on the issue of pornography and sexual abuse against boys, and the effects on their lives as they grow into men.

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Studies prove that dads involvement is essential to their children

concerned-citizens-for-family-law-reform-201711The Children’s Movement of Florida: Dads’ Involvement Essential to Children’s Future

Pediatricians have a message for fathers:

You’re more important to your child’s health and well-being than you — and we — might have realized.

After assessing more than a decade’s worth of psychological and sociological research, the American Academy of Pediatrics has issued a new report about fatherhood and the things doctors can do to help the nation’s 70 million dads reach their full parenting potential.

Fathers aren’t just back-ups for moms. Their presence in their children’s lives is beneficial in and of itself.

For instance, a 2012 study in the journal Development and Psychopathology looked at pairs of sisters who had differing levels of father involvement. Researchers found that the chances of teen pregnancy and other early sexual experiences were lower for daughters who spent more quality time with their dads.

A review of multiple studies found that kids who grew up spending time with their fathers were less likely to have behavioral and psychological problems. They were also more likely to be independent, intelligent and have improved social awareness.

“The role of fathers, and fatherhood, is in the process of changing,” said Raymond Levy, a clinical psychologist and executive director of the Fatherhood Project at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. Traditional roles are merging, with moms spending more time in the workplace and dads spending more at home.

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Parental Alienation and the Fight for Children’s Hearts and Minds | Science of Relationships

Parental alienation involves one parent spoiling the relationship between a child and the other parent in the absence of actual abuse or neglect. In both my personal and professional lives, I have seen many parents actively turn their children against the other parent in an effort to “keep them (the child) close,” and to undermine their child’s loving bond with the other parent. Although research has demonstrated that parental alienation has very negative effects on children (e.g., depression, substance abuse and conduct disorders), few researchers have examined empirically how exactly parents engage in this alienation behavior.1

The majority of research on this topic has surveyed young adults (e.g., children) who report having been alienated from one parent by another. Alienating strategies include bad-mouthing or denigrating the other parent in front of the child (or within earshot),2,3 limiting the child’s contact with the other parent,4 trying to erase the other parent from the child’s mind (e.g., withholding pictures of the child with the other parent),2 creating and perpetuating a belief the other parent is dangerous (when there is no evidence of actual danger),2 forcing the child to reject the other parent, and making the child feel guilty if he or she talks about enjoying time with the other parent.2 The impact of these behaviors on children is devastating, but it also often has the opposite intended effect; parents who denigrate the other parent are actually less close with their children than those who do not.313376-parental2balienation2bis2ba2bcrime2bstop2bthe2bhate-2b2015

Children who are caught in the middle of alienating behavior have a different perspective than the parents, so work that focuses on the alienated parents provides a more thorough view of this unfortunate family dynamic. For example, in a survey of parents who are targets of alienation, Baker and Darnell4 found that targeted parents reported that alienators interfered with parenting time (e.g., scheduled appointments or frequently called during the other parent’s parenting time), interfered with contact with the children (e.g., intercepted phone messages or email), interfered with symbolic contact like gift giving (e.g., threw away gifts or sent them back), did not inform them about important information (e.g., school activities, doctor appointments), threatened to take children away from the them, and formed unhealthy alliances with the children such as having had their children spy and report back information to the alienating parent, or sending cell phones with children to call the alienating parent from the target parent’s home.

Some children were not even allowed to bring personal items (e.g., sports equipment, toys) back home from the alienating parent’s home. In sum, this survey of parents identified a large number of abusive tactics that were not always readily visible to children, yet inflicted damage to the parental relationship nonetheless.4

Ultimately, the researchers drew a grim conclusion from the study: many of the strategies described involved active participation of the children which resulted in the child colluding in the betrayal and rejection of the alienated parent. The result: the child feels guilt and shame about having done these activities; in order to cope with this betrayal, kids justify their actions by actually believing the targeted parent is evil, unreliable, does not care about them, is dangerous, etc.

With endless ways to combine alienation strategies, alienated parents have little recourse to defend themselves and repair their relationship with their children. For example, if the parent tells a child that a lie said about them by the alienating parent is untrue, then it appears to the child that the parent is calling the alienator a liar. It is a lose-lose situation for the targeted parent. There have been calls for intervention and counseling programs to help families that have been affected by parental alienation,4 and there remains a great need to further understand how alienation affects the psychological health of the parents themselves. In addition, court and family systems need better methods of identifying and intervening when alienation is occurring. Many times courts need to determine whether an accusation of abuse (domestic, physical, sexual, etc.) by one parent is true or false: if false, then the accusation is a sign there is active parental alienation, which is recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as another form of child abuse.5

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The Role of Domestic Violence in Parental Alienation

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Indeed, the 1993 United Nations resolution (iii), the first international human rights instrument to exclusively and explicitly address the issue, defined domestic violence and abuse as ‘any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women’. This both reflects and reinforces the belief and the standpoint that domestic violence and abuse is perpetrated by men against women. So widely is this narrative believed, so often is it repeated and so powerfully does it match the stereotypes about gender behaviors and relationships that the international research goes almost unnoticed. So, what does the research tell us?

Contrary to the orthodox belief, the international research clearly demonstrates that domestic violence and abuse is not a problem rooted in gender power imbalances. For example, a 2014 report (iv) published in the United Kingdom which examined the male control theory of men’s partner violence, concluded that, ‘contrary to the male control theory, women were found to be more physically aggressive to their partners than men were,’ and that, ‘using Johnson’s typology (v), women were more likely than men to be classed as “intimate terrorists,” which was counter to earlier findings.’

 

PAS Monkeys - 2016Bring awareness to Parental Alienation in Family Court

Parental Alienation deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parentsParental Alienation - 2016

Dad’s Visitation Rights: A Surprise from a Judge

They conclude by suggesting that their findings do not support the male control theory of intimate partner violence (IPV), but that they ‘fit the view that IPV does not have a special etiology, and is better studied within the context of other forms of aggression.’ Similarly, the respected US experts Joan Kelly and Michael Johnson suggest that the data supports claims ‘that women both initiate violence and participate in mutual violence and that, particularly in teenage and young adult samples, women perpetrate violence against their partners more frequently than do the men’ (vi). Significantly, a 2007 study (vii) in the United States found that almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. It found that in non-reciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases. However, it found that men were more likely to inflict injury than women were. These, and many, many other studies demonstrate very clearly that, rather than domestic violence and abuse being a gender issue, it is a result of issues such as individual pathology, substance misuse and relationship dysfunction and that women and men both inflict it and are subject to it.

In their important work (referred to above), Joan Kelly and Michael Johnson argue that empirical research has demonstrated that intimate partner violence is not a unitary phenomenon and propose a differentiation approach to family violence and abuse that recognises four types that can be differentiated with respect to partner dynamics, context, and consequences. These, they describe as Coercive Controlling Violence, Violent Resistance, Situational Couple Violence, and Separation-Instigated Violence (we would use the term violence and abuse in all of the categories except Violent Resistance).

Coercive controlling violence and abuse occurs when one parent controls the other through fear, physical harm, mental and emotional harm or psychological threat. In these cases, there is a clear power imbalance in the relationship. Situational couple violence and abuse occurs as fights between couples where both are involved. It may be recurring or ‘one off’ in nature and usually causes shame and embarrassment. Separation instigated violence and abuse (i.e. that which can accompany a divorce or separation) occurs at the end of a relationship and, whilst it may cause distress, it is not experienced as control. It often involves violence on the part of both parents, both physical and verbal fighting and parents, again, will often feel ashamed and uncomfortable. Violent resistance is the use of violence to resist a violent or coercively controlling partner. It may be almost automatic and surfaces almost as soon as the coercively controlling and violent partner begins to use physical violence. Our practice tells us that, in cases where violence and abuse is either the cause, or is a contributing factor, in a child’s rejecting position, it is that which falls into the coercive controlling violence and abuse category that is at play. By extension, it must be recognised that not all types of domestic violence and abuse can be assumed to be the cause of alienation.

In looking at this category more closely and in examining how it is a constituent part of parental alienation, we consider that the exercising of coercive power and control by one parent over another is invariably reflective of a learned family narrative that is passed down through the generations and it is, therefore, within this framework that we examine the potential for domestic violence or abuse to have played a part in causing or contributing to a child’s rejecting position. Gendered models of violence or abuse, such as a patriarchal analysis, leads to omission of critical aspects of understanding. It conceptualises women’s and children’s experience as being the same rather than different and legitimises or dismisses women’s use of violence against men and against their children. Worse than this, it transmits generational trauma and prevents an interruption of the cycle of power and control through the resolving of trauma patterns. Understanding how power and control plays itself out in the family means understanding dysfunction and how the use of violence to uphold power and control, whether that is physical, emotional or psychological, is woven into both the horizontal and vertical relationship patterns.

Working within an understanding that domestic violence and abuse and, in particular that which takes the form of coercive control, is a generational issue rather than a gender issue, it is important to examine and understand the specific family and the specific family dynamics and to recognise and understand the unspoken messages that play themselves out in the family drama. In exploring whether domestic violence or abuse is either the cause of, or is a contributing factor in, alienation, it is necessary to analyse the family history of both parents, the attachment patterns of children and parents in those family systems, parental behaviours, and power and control patterns. This is known as psycho-genealogy and it is an extremely important tool in understanding your own alienation experience.

A Generational Model of analysis of power and control patterns looks for the presence of unresolved trauma, personality disorder, a lack of empathy, poor interpersonal skills, abandonment issues and an inability to manage rage. Importantly, it recognises that power and control through violence is a learned behaviour transmitted in childhood experiences of being parented and establishes where trans-generational transmission of trauma patterns may be being played out in the parent/parent and parent/child relationships. It also conceptualises male and female responsibilities for violence and abuse as belonging to each, individually and separately from that of their children but identifies where children are being used as conduits for the continued use of pre-existing power and control behaviours. In this way, it protects children by highlighting and preventing risky behaviours in parenting and recognises that children who are subjected to parental alienation are, themselves, victims of abuse. By differentiating between different elements of behavioural violence, it is possible to establish its roots and determine the treatment for it.

[This is an extract from the forthcoming book ‘Understanding parental alienation: learning to cope, helping to heal’ by Karen Woodall and Nick Woodall]

Notes:

i. For example, the UK Government defines domestic violence and abuse as ‘any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality’. https://www.gov.uk/domestic-violence-and-abuse [Accessed 10 March 2015].

ii. Women’s Aid (2006). What is the cause of domestic violence? [online]. London: Women’s Aid. Available from:http://goo.gl/Jd4y2z: [Accessed 11 March 2015].

iii. United Nations General Assembly (1993) Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women. A/RES/48/104

iv. Bates EA, Graham-Kevan N and Archer J (2014) Testing predictions from the male control theory of men’s partner violence.

v. Johnson, M. P. (2008)A Typology of Domestic Violence: Intimate Terrorism, Violent Resistance, and Situational Couple Violence. New Hampshire: Northeastern University Press.

vi. Kelly, J. B. and Johnson, M. P. (2008), Differentiation among types of intimate partner violence: research update and implications for interventions. Family Court Review, 46: 476–499.

vii.Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury Between Relationships With Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence. Daniel J. Whitaker, PhD, Tadesse Haileyesus, MS, Monica Swahn, PhD, and Linda S. Saltzman, PhD. American Journal of Public Health. May 2007. Volume 97, Issue 5.

Real Dads


Many judges now share the opinion that a child’s time with a non-custodial parent is very important.
From manassas.patch.com – Christopher Pearsall‘s insight:

This is a decent posting.  The problematic issue is that too much is being placed on the DSM-5 and it’s publication.  It’s almost like Columbus.  Everyone believed that the world was flat and that is what was published and taught but Columbus and many of his followers tried to teach people that it didn’t make sense.  They were heralded is lunatics and nuts and heretics in there day because they were challenging what people knew and taught.  Heck, if the world weren’t flat they’d have to figure out what to teach the kids.  And they’d have to fund expeditions to other places that might cost a hell of a lot more because then no one would be stopped by the fear of “only going so far” and that would cost more money.  They would also have to determine who owned what and how far their “territory went.”  What would the teachers say to children who asked what shape the world was?  How would they explain how the world could be round?  How would they explain gravity and why the water still sticks to the earth if it were round?  If the world were round it would literally unravel everything people believed in and make them scared and think too much.  So there was what was printed and accepted “dogma” of Columbus day that he had to deal with.Linda Gottlieb Quote Parental Alienation - 2015

Today we have the DSM-5 and if the powers that be that in publishing it are too worried about describing it, explaining it, treating it, dealing with what lawyers might do with it, dealing with whether insurers might not pay for it’s diagnosis and treatment, etc…. then people want to say “it’s not valid, it doesn’t exist.  It’s been discredited.  Or…. if it’s real then why isn’t it in the DSM-5 then?

People need to remember that there are lots of Columbuses out there on this one…. not just one or two or 50 or even 100.  There are MANY who believe it should be in the DSM-5 but their opinion didn’t make the cut.  Or they just aren’t the majority yet.  Or the other therapists say there isn’t enough empirical data to warrant findings.  Or there is confusion about the definition and the exact words that should be used to protect the mental health community.  Remember, these people who publish this DSM-5 place there reputation on what is in there.  What happens if they are wrong?  They might get sued or ridiculed or lose their cherrished place of high regard among their peers.

Let’s remember…. just because it is not yet in the DSM-5 has absolutely nothing to do with whether it exists or not.  If that were the case then those who argued that there is no such thing as Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder didn’t exist until it was published in the version of the DSM for that correct time.  The fact is…. it was always there for years before it was even considered…. it just wasn’t in that particular book at that time.Dads need daughters

Parental alienation is real.  It’s been real for a long time.  It may take time for the mental health community to go through the red tape of getting the words right so they cover their own butts and figure out how they mutually agree on treatment so they will be paid for it, but it’s there nonetheless.  Parental Alienation like many other things in this world is caught up in the red tape of humanity while good parents and children suffer and families are destroyed.logo-2-20163

Exposing The Methods | Brainwashing Children Isolation. The act of isolating, or the state of being isolated, insulation, separation; loneliness. Manipulation. A method of changing an individual’s attitudes or allegiances through the use of drugs, torture or psychological techniques, any form of indoctrination, alluding to the literal erasing of what is in or on one’s mind. Brain Washing…Read More

1604457_1559605090951928_6045777466083864304_n3Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting Awareness – Emotional and mental child abuse

http://www.paawareness.org – Parental alienation is a problem that most people don’t know about. It is child abuse and needs to be stopped. We need YOUR help to get the word out.  Via Christopher Pearsall

Parental Alienation and Domestic Violence by Proxy – How Estranged Parents Heal Parental Alienation and Domestic Violence by Proxy – How Estranged Parents Heal | Kids’ Rights and Family Court | Scoop.it From http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com – November 4, 11:18 PM I recently made a post on our Facebook page about making a child feel that it is not safe to love both parents equally. It is so clear that this creates psychological damage that destroys the child from the inside out.

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Nick Woodall

Parental alienation is the enactment of power and control over a targeted parent through a child or children by an alienating parent. To that extent, it falls within the widely accepted definitions of domestic violence and abuse (i) which are enshrined in legislation and policy around the world. However, in our experience, whilst domestic violence and abuse may be recognised as an element of the relationship between parents in dispute over children matters, the professionals who advise the courts rarely, if ever, approach the case with an understanding that a child’s rejecting position may be the extension of a pattern of domestic abuse that has been present between the parents whilst the family was together.

Around the world, domestic violence and abuse is almost exclusively set within a feminist framework which argues that it is ‘a consequence of the inequalities between men and women, rooted in patriarchal traditions that encourage…

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WARNING SIGNS OF ALIENATING BEHAVIOURS EXHIBITED BY CHILD

WARNING SIGNS OF ALIENATING BEHAVIOURS EXHIBITED BY CHILD.

 

It may appear as though the child is happy about their newparent-less status, but suppressing a relationship with the other parent is emotionally unhealthy and impacts them for a lifetime. This is a reality in Albion, PA, where children and parents are impacted, just as it is a reality all across the World. We need to find people who can help.Child-Brain-Development - 2016

Parental Alienation is a term used to describe the behavior of a parent and often other family members who manipulate a child’s mind with the motive of severing all ties between the child and the other parent. The agenda is packed with various tactics and actions are pre-meditated. When the pressure on the child to remain loyal to the alienating parent becomes too intense, the child gives up, and total rejection of the other parent becomes reality.

Interestingly enough, one elementary school counselor took a brochure but told me she is told “not to get involved” with these situations. My response to her was, “That is a problem.” I have to question if people understand that parental alienation is emotional bruising just as physical abuse leaves visible marks on a child’s body. It harms a child’s development. Do people care or are they ignorant? Are we failing our children by not facing reality? What kind of society do we live in?

Parents who are on a mission to destroy a bond between a child and the other parent can only be punished through the courts and by God. There is little we can do about them and their behavior. They tell others they are “protecting” their child and make the child feel like the other parent is unworthy of a relationship with their child. Something no child should have to hear, for that parent is parent of who they are.children4justice -Psychological Damage - 2016

Parents who are on the receiving end of the alienation are often helpless. There is little they can by themselves. They stand helpless, as they watch the relational death between themselves and their children. They watch their children construct a wall between them as a result of the brainwashing. The parents witness the joy being drained out of their children’s lives, as they are asked to spy, lie, and even partake in the intense denigration. They watch their children sabotage their time with them in order to remain abnormally loyal to the alienating parent (and family). Alienated parents cannot help their own children because they are portrayed as the enemy. The courts fail them too.

Family courts embrace adversarial situations and often empower the alienating parent. Alienating parents have passed the course in manipulation and are very convincing. As a result, the courts lack of education, empathy, knowledge of children development or need for power further hurts the child.children4justice Who Alienated - 2016

The damage caused by the breakup of families is not going away, especially if we continually turn our backs on the abuse. Research shows that 20-25% of children in divorce situations are alienated from a parent. The impact lasts a life time. That was evident as I spoke to adults, in Albion, PA, who were alienated from their children.

Teachers, college professors, pastors, ministers, doctors, counselors, coaches and many others can begin to help children in an area that is desperately needed. Right relationships are what life is all about!

Parental alienation is real, parental alienation is child abuse!

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Manipulate a child’s mind.

Parental Alienation and The Nurturing of Hate.Parental Alienation Chart - 2016

It may appear as though the child is happy about their new, parent-less status, but suppressing a relationship with the other parent is emotionally unhealthy and impacts them for a lifetime. This is a reality in Albion, PA, where children and parents are impacted, just as it is a reality all across the World. We need to find people who can help.

Parental Alienation is a term used to describe the behavior of a parent and often other family members who manipulate a child’s mind with the motive of severing all ties between the child and the other parent. The agenda is packed with various tactics and actions are pre-meditated. When the pressure on the child to remain loyal to the alienating parent becomes too intense, the child gives up, and total rejection of the other parent becomes reality.PA IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE-COLLAGE - 2016

Interestingly enough, one elementary school counselor took a brochure but told me she is told “not to get involved” with these situations. My response to her was, “That is a problem.” I have to question if people understand that parental alienation is emotional bruising just as physical abuse leaves visible marks on a child’s body. It harms a child’s development. Do people care or are they ignorant? Are we failing our children by not facing reality? What kind of society do we live in?

Parents who are on a mission to destroy a bond between a child and the other parent can only be punished through the courts and by God. There is little we can do about them and their behavior. They tell others they are “protecting” their child and make the child feel like the other parent is unworthy of a relationship with their child. Something no child should have to hear, for that parent is parent of who they are.

Parents who are on the receiving end of the alienation are often helpless. There is little they can by themselves. They stand helpless, as they watch the relational death between themselves and their children. They watch their children construct a wall between them as a result of the brainwashing. The parents witness the joy being drained out of their children’s lives, as they are asked to spy, lie, and even partake in the intense denigration. They watch their children sabotage their time with them in order to remain abnormally loyal to the alienating parent (and family). Alienated parents cannot help their own children because they are portrayed as the enemy. The courts fail them too.

Family courts embrace adversarial situations and often empower the alienating parent. Alienating parents have passed the course in manipulation and are very convincing. As a result, the courts lack of education, empathy, knowledge of children development or need for power further hurts the child.PAS Normalizing - 2016

The damage caused by the breakup of families is not going away, especially if we continually turn our backs on the abuse. Research shows that 20-25% of children in divorce situations are alienated from a parent. The impact lasts a life time. That was evident as I spoke to adults, in Albion, PA, who were alienated from their children.

Teachers, college professors, pastors, ministers, doctors, counselors, coaches and many others can begin to help children in an area that is desperately needed. Right relationships are what life is all about! Parental alienation is real, parental alienation is child abuse!

Post-traumatic Stress in the Rupture of Parent-child Relationships

e8488-parental2balienation2bis2ba2bcrime2bstop2bthe2bhate-2b2015In this second installment of our three-part series on parental alienation, we turn our attention to alienated (targeted) and alienating parents. Parental alienation is the “programming” of a child by one parent to denigrate the other (targeted) parent, in an effort to undermine and interfere with the child’s relationship with that parent, and most often occurs within the context of a child custody conflict. This includes the “legal abuse” of parents who have been disenfranchised from their children’s lives subsequent to sole custody and primary residence judgments. Within an adversarial legal process, non-custodial parents are often subjected to shame and stigma, lack of access to their children, and devaluation of their role as parents. And those who speak about the pain and woundedness in their lives are subjected to a mean-spirited cultural response, where their talk of woundedness is mocked.

https://www.facebook.com/StandUpForZoraya/

Most alienated parents are non-custodial fathers, and engaging these fathers is a significant challenge, as clinical and research literature has described the lack of “fit” between fathers and therapeutic agents as emanating from two sources: the characteristics of men and fathers themselves (their resistance to counseling andtherapy), and aspects of the therapeutic process (which have failed to successfully engage fathers). Patterns of traditional gender-role socialization directing men toward self-sufficiency and control, independent problem-solving and emotional restraint have largely worked against fathers being able to acknowledge personal difficulties and request help.

fear of self-disclosure and a feeling of disloyalty to one’s family in exposing family problems are not uncommon; a fear of losing control over one’s life and the need to present an image of control or a “facade of coping” in the form of exterior calm, strength, and rationality, despite considerable inner turmoil, characterize many fathers. Professional service providers do not always consider such psychological obstacles to therapy and thus do not address fathers’ unique needs. The research on divorced fathers is clear about their most pressing need: their continued meaningful involvement with their children, as active parents. The lack of recognition of this primary need is the main reason for therapists’ lack of success in engaging alienated fathers.Missing Years of My Daughter Life by Parental Alienation - 2015

Above all, the key to engaging alienated parents is to validate their parental identity, and combine advocacy efforts with counseling focused on enhancing their role as active and responsible parents. Human service professionals have been notably absent in the politicsof reform with respect to the issue of legal child custody, yet they are desperately needed as allies in policy reform efforts. An important role of human service professionals in supporting alienated parents is through such advocacy and activism, challenging the custodial/non-custodial and residential/non-residential parent dichotomy and advancing the cause of co-parenting.

An active program of outreach is essential as alienated parents report a lack of effective support services, and they remain a highly vulnerable population. Service providers need to be persistent and proactive, as it takes time to build and sustain engagement in the context of these parents’ feelings of isolation, helplessness, and their tendency to wait until there is a crisis before accessing support. Parents who were highly involved with and attached to their children and suddenly find themselves forcefully removed from their children’s lives experience profound woundedness. The experience of being removed as a loving parent from the life of one’s child via a sole custody order strikes at the heart of one’s being.

Suicide rates are reported to be of epidemic proportions among parents, fathers in particular, who are struggling to maintain a parenting relationship with their children (Kposowa, 2000; Kposowa, 2003); and legal abuse has been noted as a key factor in these cases. Being vigilant regarding symptoms of post-traumatic stress andsuicidal ideation among non-custodial and alienated fathers and mothers is an essential role for service providers. A strengths-based approach, recognizing alienated parents’ aspirations to their children’s well being and the experience, knowledge and skills that they can contribute to this well being, while maintaining the high road in addressing the alienation, is vital.

And finally, what about the alienating parent, who uses a combination of fear, lies, flattery and gratification of material desires to win over their child, and whose sense of entitlement and desire to control the child is greater than the desire to nurture and care for the child? As Amy Baker writes, parents who try to alienate their child from the other parent subtlely or overtly convey a three-part message to the child: I am the only parent who loves you and you need me to feel good about yourself; the other parent is dangerous and unavailable; and pursuing a relationship with the other parent jeopardizes your relationship with me.

Alienating parents are themselves emotionally fragile, often enmeshed with the child, with a “sense of entitlement, needing control, knowing only how to take” (Richardson, 2006). Yet although it is easy to pathologize and blame such parents, it must be remembered that alienating behavior is encouraged in the context of a legal adversarial forum where the goal is to “win” the custody or residence of one’s child. And although some would recommend a solution of removing child custody from alienating parents and placing children in the care of non-alienating parents, it is often very difficult to adjudicate who actually is the alienating and who is the targeted parent. Family law judges are not trained in the finer points of child development and family dynamics, and can be easily swayed by legal arguments made on behalf of disputing parents, including alienating parents.Parental-alienation-As a victim - StandupforZoraya 2015

On the matter of parental alienation, I have come to see that the problem is systemic innature; that is, the problem lies primarily in the adversarial nature of legal determination of parenting after divorce. Parents are set up to fight in an effort to win “primary residence” or “custody” of their children, and the system tends to reward those skilled in adversarial combat. Parents often win their case by disparaging the other parent as a parent, in effect engaging in alienating behaviors, and the system thereby encourages and produces alienating behavior. A legal presumption of co-parenting, rebuttable in established cases of child abuse and family violence, may in fact be the most effective means of combating parental alienation and curtailing its damaging consequences, while at the same time protecting the safety and well-being of children at risk of abuse.

The final installment of our three-part series on parental alienation will examine programs, services and interventions that combat alienation, and seek to reunite estranged parents and their children while addressing the significant clinical challenges in working with alienating parents.

Cloud 11 (1)

Kposowa, A. (2000). “Marital Status and Suicide in the National Longitudinal Mortality Study.” Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 54, 254-261.

Kposowa, A. (2003). “Divorce and Suicide Risk.” Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 57, 993-995.

Richardson, P. (2006). A Kidnapped Mind. Toronto: Dundurn Press.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201305/the-impact-parental-alienation-parents

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Post-traumatic Stress in the Rupture of Parent-child Relationships.

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responsible human, no hunger, NoDapl, Black lives Matter, Our Children, War, Peace, Democratic-Socialist, America Who?

Miss Back In The Day USA

Remembering where we have been and our experiences as a nation

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