Divorced Co-Parenting Oxymoron

The Big Lie About Co-Parentinga-parent-with-high-morals-2016

Divorce is shrouded in terminology that doesn’t begin to describe the intricacies of the relationships affected. It comes down to this: co-parenting or shared-custody is a full-time commitment. It requires just as much negotiating as a married couple engage in. Why would a couple who divorced due to irreconcilable differences be able to co-parent well?

It’s no wonder that often co-parenting is just a clever joining of words without substance. It comes down to who is caring for children the majority of the time — whomever the equation is weighted toward, is in charge. And within that paradigm there is little room for co-anything. And divorced? Forget about it. You are married without the health insurance.

You are never divorced if children are involved. You are perpetually divorcing. If the spoils amount to a cat and a Kitchen Aid bought with hoarded 20 percent discount cards from Macy’s by your former mother-in-law, being fully divorced is possible. This past weekend, negotiating the ends and outs of parenting teenagers, I had to admit, I’m not divorced. It won’t be a done deal until I’m pronounced dead. Time of death, 3:10 a.m. Time of divorcED, 3:11 a.m.

I’m just as married as any other aging former Girl Scout leader littering the hair salons of my small town. We are all covering our gray hair now. We are all stepping through the parenting minefields that are the teenage years. The difference between me and the ladies wearing out-of-style 1990s yellow gold wedding band sets? They may still have health insurance through their spouse, and possibly through the years their spouse has morphed into a good friend. Or, they might live inside stony silence and tolerate their spouse.

It is difficult enough with two parents living under the same roof to parent peacefully. It may be impossible when living under two different roofs. Different roofs, with a backdrop of unfinished business, anger, dislike for the other person and a sense of failure — failure for not having been able to paint the back drop a vibrant orange, for not having been able to find a way to get along, for failing to stay under the same roof.

An enlightened few have figured out how to be peaceful living beneath different roofs. Maybe they had good manners to begin with. Maybe they had a preternatural clarity of mind and an ability to transcend the pain accompanying divorce. I am not one of the shiny few.

I was not able to seamlessly move forward. Along with my less than graceful transformation from married to divorcing, I took a “divorce parenting” class required by the state of Massachusetts.

In the mandated class I learned obvious things: Don’t badmouth your former spouse to your children. Don’t ask your children about your former spouse’s private life. Don’t make your children chose who they like to be with more, you or your former spouse. Be kind to your children. Your children will forever be in shock from the selfish and disruptive decision to divorce made by you and your former spouse (that part I added. But something like that was inferred).

The class had the least amount of sexual energy I had ever felt in a room of mixed genders. Our wicks had been snuffed. We were zombie-like. The teacher was hopeful for us all. He assured us that we would go forth and still have healthy children. That we would indeed recover.

That was (hard to believe) six years ago. It was the spring. My mini van in the parking lot after class was the only thing I recognized inside my new life. The class met for four weeks on consecutive Wednesday evenings. After class, we the wickless wonders would file past lilacs heavy and fat, hanging from well-groomed trees. Each of us had failed at something we had cared enough about to make legal. The lilacs in bloom seemed insulting.

I knitted the second scarf I’d ever knitted in my life during that class. The first I made when my parents divorced. I know, ridiculous symbolism. Even more ridiculous? I didn’t recognize the parallel at the time. I just thought I’d been moved to knit pearl, knit pearl my way to sanity. Inside my purse I carried self-help books. My favorite,Necessary Losses, by Judith Voirst, was tattered. My grandmother gave it to me years earlier when my parents divorced, and I knitted that first scarf.

I spent the first years of divorce dreaming that I was going through a divorce. And when I woke up, I realized it wasn’t a bad dream, it was real. Divorce was a bad dream I couldn’t wake up from. Finally I began to dream about daily stressors. When I’d wake up more often than not, the dream had been worse than reality. I felt human again. I often dreamed about losing control of my car. Or, of being lost in a maze. Those dreams were metaphorically blunt. They were easy to shake off.

This past weekend I tried to remain calm while negotiating co-parenting. I tasted rage. Rage tastes a lot like bile. I had accepted that I am not divorced. I had yet to accept that I’m not a co-parent. I got there, this past weekend, Saturday afternoon. I accepted fully that I am not divorced and I don’t co-parent. I just say I am and I do.



This was originally published on Femamom.com

Source: Divorced Co-Parenting: An Oxymoron

Stand Up For Zoraya is the voice of the child

What Does Name “Zoraya” Mean?
You have aspiration and inspiration, hope and guidance. Since you are intuitive and perceptive and you understand human nature. You have the power to achieve. Diplomacy and discretion make you a good mediator. You are inspired, introspective, and have a good understanding of the human heart. You can have the ability to commercialize your artistic talents successfully.

You are often a mystery to others and to yourself. You are always reaching for something higher, without exactly knowing what that “higher” is. You are frank, methodical and believe in law, system and order. You are seeking freedom, opportunities to enjoy life: to make love, to go places and to do things. You are very adventurous and willing to take risk to achieve your objectives. New ways and new experiences can’t satisfy your restless nature. One adventure leads you to another. You are honest and fair, because you know that this is the only way to receive justice and honesty from other people. But your personal growth is vital for your, and it is difficult to be tied down by rules and obligations. Your restless spirit might best controlled by choosing the field of work that meet your demand for action and adventure.


The BEST Parent is BOTH Parents!

Stand Up For Zoraya is the voice of the child

My name is David and my daughter is Zoraya.

Since January of 2009, we’re happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental alienation, for the betterment of our children’s psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies.

In addition, Stand Up For Zoraya hopes to shed light on and reform an antiquated loophole in our Legal Adversarial system in Family Law that degrades a father’s role.

Fathers have become undervalued, family structure has become disposable, children suffer without both parents but so often father is left out, seen as nonessential. Let’s correct this by bringing attention to it!

With so many children lacking trusted guardians, we encourage and celebrate any parent willing and able to stand up as an example of unconditional love for their child. We believe children have a right to a meaningful, loving relationship with both their parents.

Please help by making a small donation to the Legal Representation Fund of Zoraya and David Inguanzo, an alienated Child and Parent desperately trying to maintain a meaningful relationship despite unjust court intervention and vexatious and malicious family law litigation by opposing party.
C/O Stand Up For Zoraya
10300 Sunset Drive, Miami, Florida 33173 – 305.270.7796
Google+ Page –https://plus.google.com/117921689297670485165 Causes.comhttp://www.Causes.com/ChildrensRights

Thank you so much.


David InguanzoTalking about Parental Alienation - - Where'd my Daddy go?

“David is a devoted father and a very strong Civil Rights campaigner. He is a well informed advocate, publisher and researcher. An experienced litigant in the family court, there is not really much for me to add in this arena about David, because his blogs, causes and websites will give you further insights into his skills. Also under his belt, David has many years behind him as an executive in the field of sales and marketing. I would recommend him to anyone that needed someone in his field. September 6, 2012, Ngozi was with another company when working with David at C.R.F.

Darrick Scott-Farnsworth ~ Mail Processing Equipment Mechanic at USPS
“David is a hard working champion for equal parental rights and is helping to establish an environment where our nations children can have a healthy relationship with both parents without interference by the state.
September 26, 2012, Darrick worked with David at C.R.F.

Mark Nacol ~ Principal of The Nacol Law Firm PC
“David Inguanzo is one of the top Father’s Rights Advocates in the United States. Through his social networking and work in the courts, he has brought a father’s right to participate in his child’s life to the attention of the USA public. I am proud to call David my friend and thank him for helping all dads by drawing attention to a very serious legal dilemma, what rights do fathers have concerning their children? December 26, 2012, Mark A. was with another company when working with David at C.R.F

Dean Tong ~ Legal Services Consultant and Contractor
“”David, as a litigant in pro per, is a force to be reckoned with.” – Dean Tong, MSc.
December 28, 2012, Dean was with another company when working with David at C.R.F.

Michael A. Mastraccici, Esquire ~ “Preserving Parent-Child Relationships, One Separation and Divorce at a Time” (410) 869-3400
“While I generally do not recommend people I have not met in person, in this case I am very comfortable recommending David. I have observed and interacted with him and his works for a few years. His role as a self- represented litigant and a dedicated and influential leader in preserving parent-child relationships is not only admirable but has made him an extremely knowledgeable person in the area of systemic problems in the family law legal system. David knows how to navigate through the rough waters from first hand experience. He is an inspiration to many people. Dogged determination pays off!.
January 3, 2013, Michael A. was with another company when working with David at C.R.F.

Stephen Meehan ~ President of Rainmaker Revenue Consultants, LLC
“David’s commitment to his children, his country, his work ethic, and reform strategies are refreshing, and inspire hope for a better world for all of our children. Keep up the good work!
March 25, 2013, Stephen worked with David at C.R.F.

David William Farmer ~ Family Justice & Child Protection Worldwide Reform Committeemer!
“David Inguanzo is one of the first individuals I discovered when I took my campaign on the internet. Since then not a day has gone by when this Gentleman has tried to help, alert and advise the best practice in Child Welfare and Family Court process’s, as well as keeping many people worldwide as well as the USA up to date with new laws and relevant amendments that can help someone going through this difficult subject.. Together he and I have worked tirelessly to promote beneficial causes for the well being of Children, Families and Society as a whole and would recommend David for any relevant task on this subject; My utmost respect always
Dave Farmer Daveyone Familylawman World4Justice Campaign) April 25, 2013, Dave was with another company when working with David at C.R.F.World4Justice (Lobby Forum) Justice4Children : 2010 –  — at World4Justice : Cyber Protest!

David Concepcion ~ Office of the General Manager – AGM at Marin Municipal Water District (MMWD)

“David is a highly professional individual who is very hard-working and is very attentive to detail. It is always a pleasure working with him. August 24, 2012, David worked with David at C.R.F. —

126 thoughts on “Divorced Co-Parenting Oxymoron

  1. Pingback: Divorced Co-Parenting Oxymoron | Children's Rights

  2. Pingback: An Open Letter To Mothers With Daughter’s – Stand Up For Zoraya

  3. Pingback: Florida Corrupt Family Courts ~ Anycityin, Florida | Children's Rights

  4. Pingback: Let there be justice in America, and let it begin with the U.S. Department of Justice. | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  5. Pingback: “Every parent, regardless of the relationship (or lack of one) that existed at the time the child was conceived, has a responsibility to provide financial support for their child.” – Family Law Reform

  6. Pingback: Justice4Children ~ Family Law and Child Welfare Reform – Family Law Reform

  7. Pingback: Children’s Rights on Causes – Stand Up For Zoraya

  8. Pingback: Fatherless Day Rallies In Every State and Across The Globe!! – Stand Up For Zoraya

  9. Pingback: Your Raising a Human Being NOT an Inconvenience – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  10. Pingback: Family Access-Fighting for Children’s Rights – Family Law Reform

  11. Pingback: JUDICIAL ELECTIONS 2016 – SOUTH FLORIDA – Family Law Reform

  12. Pingback: To My Dad – Stand Up For Zoraya

  13. Pingback: Evidence-Based Approaches to Children’s Needs | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  14. Pingback: Family Court Intentional Infliction Emotional Distress | Children's Rights

  15. Pingback: The safety and well-being of our children and families. | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  16. Pingback: What Happens When Family Courts Prioritize Parental Rights Over The Rights Of The Child? – Stand Up For Zoraya

  17. Pingback: Power Over Poverty | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  18. Pingback: Family Court is where fathers systematically lose all rights to their own children. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  19. Pingback: You Want Family Law Reforms? Here’s One Thing That Needs To Happen – Stand Up For Zoraya

  20. Pingback: Family Court Personal Injury – Class Action Court Filing – Stand Up For Zoraya

  21. Pingback: How Much is Too Much Child Support? – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  22. Pingback: A child is created equally by two loving parents, and the responsibilty for the future of that child should be equal – Stand Up For Zoraya

  23. Pingback: Tell her about me. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  24. Pingback: STAND UP – Stand Up For Zoraya

  25. Pingback: Parental Alienation in your Family. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  26. Pingback: The Constitutional Right to Be a Parent | Children's Rights

  27. Pingback: Org. Chart for the Dysfunctional Family Court System | Children's Rights

  28. Pingback: Should People with Multiple Personalities or Dissociative Identity Disorder Be Parents? | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  29. Pingback: Are you a dad looking for help? | American Fathers

  30. Pingback: “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.” – Stand Up For Zoraya

  31. Pingback: Crazy women are NOT that skilled at hiding their crazy | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  32. Pingback: New Fathers 4 Justice – This is one of the biggest social scandals of our time. | American Fathers

  33. Pingback: Trump VP…Newt Gingrich? – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  34. Pingback: I’m not the best father in the world, but I’m yours. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  35. Pingback: Determination to winning your case. | Children's Rights

  36. Pingback: Safety of Children in Florida ~ Letter to Governor Rick Scott | Children's Rights

  37. Pingback: Lawyers and Bureaucrats Get Child $upport Billions | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  38. Pingback: Mediation and Agreed Orders ~ Your Only Hope in a Child Custody Case | Children's Rights

  39. Pingback: Abuses of the Florida Family Courts | Children's Rights

  40. Pingback: Fathers and Free Speech in New York Supreme Court – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  41. Pingback: “We have not endorsed a presidential candidate” ~ The Father’s Rights Movement (TFRM) – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  42. Pingback: ‘The View’ Debates the Significance of Dad | Children's Rights

  43. Pingback: Raising Legal Objection For Racism | Children's Rights

  44. Pingback: Millions of Children – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  45. Pingback: Let us stop criminalizing good decent men! | American Fathers

  46. Pingback: An Alienated Child and Targeted Parent’s Story – Stand Up For Zoraya

  47. Pingback: “Reckless Disregard” A True And Compelling Story About One Father’s Fight – Stand Up For Zoraya

  48. Pingback: Courts must work toward a shared parenting norm – Miami Herald | Children's Rights

  49. Pingback: Letter Template To Your State-Federal Elected Officials Where They Stand On Family Law Reform | American Fathers

  50. Pingback: Letter Template To Your State and Federal Elected Officials Asking Where They Stand On Family Law Reform | American Fathers

  51. Pingback: Our kids may want things, but they NEED time with their fathers more | Children's Rights

  52. Pingback: An outdated gender stereotype pervades the system. | Children's Rights

  53. Pingback: FAMLAWPOLY | Children's Rights

  54. Pingback: I Just Want To Be A Good Dad | Children's Rights

  55. Pingback: Family Court Judges Abuse and are Punishing Men, their Children, and their Families. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  56. Pingback: Family Court Judge’s Abuse and are Punishing Men, their Children, and their Families. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  57. Pingback: Uniting Against Court Corruption | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  58. Pingback: Central Florida Judge orders the University of Central Florida to turn over records… | Children's Rights

  59. Pingback: Change, applying to one’s life the wisdom and philosophy found everywhere. | American Fathers

  60. Pingback: Avoid Intimidation In The Family Court Room | Children's Rights

  61. Pingback: Parent Child Bonds | Children's Rights

  62. Pingback: FREE eBOOK RELEASE “Protecting Parent Child Bonds” | Children's Rights

  63. Pingback: WE ARE NOT A DISPOSABLE GENDER | Children's Rights

  64. Pingback: Judicial Bias and Absolute Discretion in Family Courts | American Fathers

  65. Pingback: Why should a custodial parent be allowed to deny access to the other parent? – Stand Up For Zoraya

  66. Pingback: You Want Family Law Reforms? | Children's Rights

  67. Pingback: The system has been corrupted by money | Children's Rights

  68. Pingback: Children’s Rights to both Parents and Families | Children's Rights

  69. Pingback: Malachi’s Law | Children's Rights

  70. Pingback: It’s no secret that the children are the real causalities in family court. NewJudge.com | Children's Rights

  71. Pingback: “The stories men share with me are raw, unscripted and honest accounts of their experiences.” – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  72. Pingback: Parental alienation is a form of child abuse | Bradenton Herald – Family Law Reform

  73. Pingback: Family Law’s Root Problem Is… | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida


  75. Pingback: “The Judicial War on Fatherhood” | Children's Rights

  76. Pingback: Spending Time With Your Children | Children's Rights

  77. Pingback: At the present time there is no visitation with minor child and communication access is blocked by the custodial parent – Stand Up For Zoraya

  78. Pingback: The harm that conflicts over custody can do to children… – Stand Up For Zoraya

  79. Pingback: The Family Court System Playing Field Unfair! – Stand Up For Zoraya

  80. Pingback: There is a “father factor” in nearly all of the social issues facing America today. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  81. Pingback: The depth of a woman’s attachment to her father is profound. – Stand Up For Zoraya

  82. Pingback: Termination of Parental Rights – Florida Case Kingsley v. Kingsley | Children's Rights

  83. Pingback: The Evidence Standard To Fight Corrupted Family Courts | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  84. Pingback: Parental Alienation and Estrangement Hurts Siblings – Stand Up For Zoraya

  85. Pingback: Parental Alienation Also Hurts Siblings – Stand Up For Zoraya

  86. Pingback: Any Inequality Is Disgusting! | Children's Rights

  87. Pingback: The top 10 reasons young men need equality too…. | Children's Rights

  88. Pingback: The harm that conflicts over custody can do to children; and that the fight itself can cause the most damage | Children's Rights

  89. Pingback: Grandparents Need Access Too – Stand Up For Zoraya

  90. Pingback: 250+ Letters from Suffering Estranged Grandparents – Stand Up For Zoraya

  91. Pingback: NEW STUDY ~ Children fare better when they spend time living with both of their parents. | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  92. Pingback: Anycityin, Florida Corrupt Family Courts | Children's Rights

  93. Pingback: The Ugly Truth About Why States Don’t Want Shared Parenting | Children's Rights

  94. Pingback: Disciplinary actions against lawyers who commit acts of domestic violence… | Children's Rights

  95. Pingback: Parental Involvement in Education | Children's Rights

  96. Pingback: Family Court Causes Trauma-Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Children's Rights

  97. Pingback: Is Parenting A Civil Rights Issue? | Children's Rights

  98. Pingback: Championing a White House Council on Boys and Men|The Proposal – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  99. Pingback: Effects of Trauma on Family Court Cases | Children's Rights

  100. Pingback: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Legal Abuse Syndrome | Children's Rights

  101. Pingback: Daughter Begs Mom to Get a Family Law Lawyer | Children's Rights

  102. Pingback: Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage | Children's Rights

  103. Pingback: How To Avoid Intimidation In The Court Room | Children's Rights

  104. Pingback: Florida Court Rules Teacher Data Is A Public Record | Children's Rights

  105. Pingback: The Ugly Truth on Why States and Courts Don’t Want Shared Parenting | American Fathers

  106. Pingback: Who Knew? Abraham Lincoln Was a Divorce Lawyer | Children's Rights

  107. Pingback: The Root Of The Problem Is This… | American Fathers

  108. Pingback: Stop The War On Dads – Family Law Reform

  109. Pingback: VAWA causing the deaths of men. – Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers

  110. Pingback: Domestic Violence Awareness Month | Children's Rights

  111. Pingback: Never Stop Fighting – Stand Up For Zoraya

  112. Pingback: Why Arizona’s Joint Parenting Law is Only the First Step in Father’s Rights | American Fathers

  113. Pingback: Rick Scott is a complete retard even for an elected political Hero! | Children's Rights

  114. Pingback: Dwyane Wade’s Custody Dispute a Classic Case of Parental Alienation | Children's Rights

  115. Pingback: Parental Alienation – Estrangement – Crappy Parenting? It doesn’t matter what you call it! | Children's Rights

  116. Pingback: To Be Immune from Parental Alienation Allegations, Just Don’t Alienate Your Children from Their Dad – Stand Up For Zoraya

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s