The Role of Domestic Violence in Parental Alienation

Indeed, the 1993 United Nations resolution (iii), the first international human rights instrument to exclusively and explicitly address the issue, defined domestic violence and abuse as ‘any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women’. This both reflects and reinforces the belief and the standpoint that domestic violence and abuse is perpetrated by men against women. So widely is this narrative believed, so often is it repeated and so powerfully does it match the stereotypes about gender behaviors and relationships that the international research goes almost unnoticed. So, what does the research tell us?

Contrary to the orthodox belief, the international research clearly demonstrates that domestic violence and abuse is not a problem rooted in gender power imbalances. For example, a 2014 report (iv) published in the United Kingdom which examined the male control theory of men’s partner violence, concluded that, ‘contrary to the male control theory, women were found to be more physically aggressive to their partners than men were,’ and that, ‘using Johnson’s typology (v), women were more likely than men to be classed as “intimate terrorists,” which was counter to earlier findings.’


PAS Monkeys - 2016Bring awareness to Parental Alienation in Family Court

Parental Alienation deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parentsParental Alienation - 2016

Dad’s Visitation Rights: A Surprise from a Judge

They conclude by suggesting that their findings do not support the male control theory of intimate partner violence (IPV), but that they ‘fit the view that IPV does not have a special etiology, and is better studied within the context of other forms of aggression.’ Similarly, the respected US experts Joan Kelly and Michael Johnson suggest that the data supports claims ‘that women both initiate violence and participate in mutual violence and that, particularly in teenage and young adult samples, women perpetrate violence against their partners more frequently than do the men’ (vi). Significantly, a 2007 study (vii) in the United States found that almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. It found that in non-reciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases. However, it found that men were more likely to inflict injury than women were. These, and many, many other studies demonstrate very clearly that, rather than domestic violence and abuse being a gender issue, it is a result of issues such as individual pathology, substance misuse and relationship dysfunction and that women and men both inflict it and are subject to it.

In their important work (referred to above), Joan Kelly and Michael Johnson argue that empirical research has demonstrated that intimate partner violence is not a unitary phenomenon and propose a differentiation approach to family violence and abuse that recognises four types that can be differentiated with respect to partner dynamics, context, and consequences. These, they describe as Coercive Controlling Violence, Violent Resistance, Situational Couple Violence, and Separation-Instigated Violence (we would use the term violence and abuse in all of the categories except Violent Resistance).

Coercive controlling violence and abuse occurs when one parent controls the other through fear, physical harm, mental and emotional harm or psychological threat. In these cases, there is a clear power imbalance in the relationship. Situational couple violence and abuse occurs as fights between couples where both are involved. It may be recurring or ‘one off’ in nature and usually causes shame and embarrassment. Separation instigated violence and abuse (i.e. that which can accompany a divorce or separation) occurs at the end of a relationship and, whilst it may cause distress, it is not experienced as control. It often involves violence on the part of both parents, both physical and verbal fighting and parents, again, will often feel ashamed and uncomfortable. Violent resistance is the use of violence to resist a violent or coercively controlling partner. It may be almost automatic and surfaces almost as soon as the coercively controlling and violent partner begins to use physical violence. Our practice tells us that, in cases where violence and abuse is either the cause, or is a contributing factor, in a child’s rejecting position, it is that which falls into the coercive controlling violence and abuse category that is at play. By extension, it must be recognised that not all types of domestic violence and abuse can be assumed to be the cause of alienation.

In looking at this category more closely and in examining how it is a constituent part of parental alienation, we consider that the exercising of coercive power and control by one parent over another is invariably reflective of a learned family narrative that is passed down through the generations and it is, therefore, within this framework that we examine the potential for domestic violence or abuse to have played a part in causing or contributing to a child’s rejecting position. Gendered models of violence or abuse, such as a patriarchal analysis, leads to omission of critical aspects of understanding. It conceptualises women’s and children’s experience as being the same rather than different and legitimises or dismisses women’s use of violence against men and against their children. Worse than this, it transmits generational trauma and prevents an interruption of the cycle of power and control through the resolving of trauma patterns. Understanding how power and control plays itself out in the family means understanding dysfunction and how the use of violence to uphold power and control, whether that is physical, emotional or psychological, is woven into both the horizontal and vertical relationship patterns.

Working within an understanding that domestic violence and abuse and, in particular that which takes the form of coercive control, is a generational issue rather than a gender issue, it is important to examine and understand the specific family and the specific family dynamics and to recognise and understand the unspoken messages that play themselves out in the family drama. In exploring whether domestic violence or abuse is either the cause of, or is a contributing factor in, alienation, it is necessary to analyse the family history of both parents, the attachment patterns of children and parents in those family systems, parental behaviours, and power and control patterns. This is known as psycho-genealogy and it is an extremely important tool in understanding your own alienation experience.

A Generational Model of analysis of power and control patterns looks for the presence of unresolved trauma, personality disorder, a lack of empathy, poor interpersonal skills, abandonment issues and an inability to manage rage. Importantly, it recognises that power and control through violence is a learned behaviour transmitted in childhood experiences of being parented and establishes where trans-generational transmission of trauma patterns may be being played out in the parent/parent and parent/child relationships. It also conceptualises male and female responsibilities for violence and abuse as belonging to each, individually and separately from that of their children but identifies where children are being used as conduits for the continued use of pre-existing power and control behaviours. In this way, it protects children by highlighting and preventing risky behaviours in parenting and recognises that children who are subjected to parental alienation are, themselves, victims of abuse. By differentiating between different elements of behavioural violence, it is possible to establish its roots and determine the treatment for it.

[This is an extract from the forthcoming book ‘Understanding parental alienation: learning to cope, helping to heal’ by Karen Woodall and Nick Woodall]


i. For example, the UK Government defines domestic violence and abuse as ‘any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality’. [Accessed 10 March 2015].

ii. Women’s Aid (2006). What is the cause of domestic violence? [online]. London: Women’s Aid. Available from: [Accessed 11 March 2015].

iii. United Nations General Assembly (1993) Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women. A/RES/48/104

iv. Bates EA, Graham-Kevan N and Archer J (2014) Testing predictions from the male control theory of men’s partner violence.

v. Johnson, M. P. (2008)A Typology of Domestic Violence: Intimate Terrorism, Violent Resistance, and Situational Couple Violence. New Hampshire: Northeastern University Press.

vi. Kelly, J. B. and Johnson, M. P. (2008), Differentiation among types of intimate partner violence: research update and implications for interventions. Family Court Review, 46: 476–499.

vii.Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury Between Relationships With Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence. Daniel J. Whitaker, PhD, Tadesse Haileyesus, MS, Monica Swahn, PhD, and Linda S. Saltzman, PhD. American Journal of Public Health. May 2007. Volume 97, Issue 5.

Real Dads

Many judges now share the opinion that a child’s time with a non-custodial parent is very important.
From – Christopher Pearsall‘s insight:

This is a decent posting.  The problematic issue is that too much is being placed on the DSM-5 and it’s publication.  It’s almost like Columbus.  Everyone believed that the world was flat and that is what was published and taught but Columbus and many of his followers tried to teach people that it didn’t make sense.  They were heralded is lunatics and nuts and heretics in there day because they were challenging what people knew and taught.  Heck, if the world weren’t flat they’d have to figure out what to teach the kids.  And they’d have to fund expeditions to other places that might cost a hell of a lot more because then no one would be stopped by the fear of “only going so far” and that would cost more money.  They would also have to determine who owned what and how far their “territory went.”  What would the teachers say to children who asked what shape the world was?  How would they explain how the world could be round?  How would they explain gravity and why the water still sticks to the earth if it were round?  If the world were round it would literally unravel everything people believed in and make them scared and think too much.  So there was what was printed and accepted “dogma” of Columbus day that he had to deal with.Linda Gottlieb Quote Parental Alienation - 2015

Today we have the DSM-5 and if the powers that be that in publishing it are too worried about describing it, explaining it, treating it, dealing with what lawyers might do with it, dealing with whether insurers might not pay for it’s diagnosis and treatment, etc…. then people want to say “it’s not valid, it doesn’t exist.  It’s been discredited.  Or…. if it’s real then why isn’t it in the DSM-5 then?

People need to remember that there are lots of Columbuses out there on this one…. not just one or two or 50 or even 100.  There are MANY who believe it should be in the DSM-5 but their opinion didn’t make the cut.  Or they just aren’t the majority yet.  Or the other therapists say there isn’t enough empirical data to warrant findings.  Or there is confusion about the definition and the exact words that should be used to protect the mental health community.  Remember, these people who publish this DSM-5 place there reputation on what is in there.  What happens if they are wrong?  They might get sued or ridiculed or lose their cherrished place of high regard among their peers.

Let’s remember…. just because it is not yet in the DSM-5 has absolutely nothing to do with whether it exists or not.  If that were the case then those who argued that there is no such thing as Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder didn’t exist until it was published in the version of the DSM for that correct time.  The fact is…. it was always there for years before it was even considered…. it just wasn’t in that particular book at that time.Dads need daughters

Parental alienation is real.  It’s been real for a long time.  It may take time for the mental health community to go through the red tape of getting the words right so they cover their own butts and figure out how they mutually agree on treatment so they will be paid for it, but it’s there nonetheless.  Parental Alienation like many other things in this world is caught up in the red tape of humanity while good parents and children suffer and families are destroyed.logo-2-20163

Exposing The Methods | Brainwashing Children Isolation. The act of isolating, or the state of being isolated, insulation, separation; loneliness. Manipulation. A method of changing an individual’s attitudes or allegiances through the use of drugs, torture or psychological techniques, any form of indoctrination, alluding to the literal erasing of what is in or on one’s mind. Brain Washing…Read More

1604457_1559605090951928_6045777466083864304_n3Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting Awareness – Emotional and mental child abuse – Parental alienation is a problem that most people don’t know about. It is child abuse and needs to be stopped. We need YOUR help to get the word out.  Via Christopher Pearsall

Parental Alienation and Domestic Violence by Proxy – How Estranged Parents Heal Parental Alienation and Domestic Violence by Proxy – How Estranged Parents Heal | Kids’ Rights and Family Court | From – November 4, 11:18 PM I recently made a post on our Facebook page about making a child feel that it is not safe to love both parents equally. It is so clear that this creates psychological damage that destroys the child from the inside out.

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32 thoughts on “The Role of Domestic Violence in Parental Alienation

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    What is the research that supports such a schedule? Where is the data that confirms that such a plan is in the best interest of the child?Well, reader, you can spend your time from now until eternity researching the literature, and YOU WILL NOT DISCOVER ANY SUPPORTING DATA for the typical visitation arrangement with the non-residential parent! The reality is that this arrangement is based solely on custom. And just like the short story, “The Lottery,” in which the prizewinner is stoned to death, the message is that deeds and judgments are frequently arrived at based on nothing more than habit, fantasy, prejudice, and yes, on “junk science.”This family therapist upholds the importance of both parents playing an active and substantial role in their children’s lives—-especially in situations when the parents are apart. In order to support the goal for each parent to provide a meaningfully and considerable involvement in the lives of their children, I affirm that the resolution to custody requires an arrangement for joint legal custody and physical custody that maximizes the time with the non-residential—-with the optimal arrangement being 50-50, whenever practical. It is my professional opinion that the customary visitation arrangement for non-residential parents to visit every other weekend and one night during the week is not sufficient to maintain a consequential relationship with their children. Although I have heard matrimonial attorneys, children’s attorneys, and judges assert that the child needs the consistency of the same residence, I deem this assumption to be nonsense. I cannot be convinced that the consistency with one’s bed trumps consistency with a parent!Should the reader question how such an arrangement can be judiciously implemented which maximizes the child’s time—even in a 50-50 arrangement—-with the non-residential parent, I direct the reader to the book, Mom’s House, Dads House, by the Isolina Ricci, PhD.Indeed, the research that we do have supports the serious consequences to children when the father, who is generally the non-residential parent, does not play a meaningful role in lives of his children. The book, Fatherneed, (2000) by Dr. Kyle Pruitt, summarizes the research at Yale University about the importance of fathers to their children. And another post on this page summarizes an extensive list of other research.Children of divorce or separation of their parents previously had each parent 100% of the time and obviously cannot have the same arrangement subsequent to their parents’ separation. But it makes no sense to this family therapist that the result of parental separation is that the child is accorded only 20% time with one parent and 80% with the other. What rational person could possibly justify this? By Linda J. Gottlieb, L.M.F.T., L.C.S.W.

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waiting for my daughter to resurface


Walter Singleton

Walter Singleton's blog, dedicated to Aiden Singleton and Seth Singleton living near Chattanooga, TN.


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